If Oliver and Elio were both 16 years older than they are in the movie, their age dif wouldn't be an issue at all. Not just the oblivious size difference - Elio gets a nosebleed after revealing his feelings, Elio throws up when they get drunk together, Elio masturbates and has casual sex with Marzia because he's horny all the time, Elio cries in several scenes while Oliver puts on a brave face. n. nathaliecorrea1220 Jan 28, 2021. Elio is 17 years old. Not even when they call the teenage half of the couple 'Baby'. Some, including author Cheyenne Montgomery, say they're disturbed by the age difference between the two protagonists — one portrayed as a boy, the other a man. This is why I love this subreddit. "If I paired the age of Elio in the film with the age of Timothée, in three years' time, Timothée will be 25, as would Elio by the time the second story was set", he said. In regards to his experience, I saw Oliver's sexual confidence as something he'd built up with girls. Take your trunks off. And when I say 'issue' I don't even mean it's a bad immoral thing. Wasn’t that the same ages as the characters in Dirty Dancing? However in other ways it's Elio who has more power in their relationship. ... Gap Pink Striped Button-Down. Oliver is 24, breezy and spontaneous, and at work on a book about Heraclitus. ", On a moment in the film that reminded Montgomery of her experience, and how her abuser would give and then withdraw approval. Even so, Oliver is keenly feeling the impropriety, not only of fooling around with a younger man but more specifically fooling around with his host's teenage son. I’m sure I’ll pay for it somehow, though.” And for the first time in daylight I caught a glimpse of a different Oliver. When he goes down on Elio in the doorway, for example, that does not strike me as the move of someone who just had sex with a man for the first time less than twelve hours ago. This suggests to me that the main thing that's been holding Oliver back is his concern that Elio isn't grown up enough. No one seems to have an issue with that movie. Not just the oblivious size difference - Elio gets a nosebleed after revealing his feelings, Elio throws up when they get drunk together, Elio masturbates and has casual sex with Marzia because he's horny all the time, Elio cries in several scenes while Oliver puts on a brave face. Both are around 17 in this, and everything that happens, is consensual. A criticism targeted at Call Me By Your Name, both the novel and the film, was the potentially uncomfortable age gap between the teen Elio and adult Oliver, and it's an age gap that repeats itself in Find Me in the two new relationships explored. Like Elio, I get the impression Oliver enjoys sex with women too and probably had his fair share of girlfriends pre-Italy (including the one he goes back and marries). The disparity becomes much clearer at age thirty: at that point, the gap for queer couples hits almost seven years, the difference between Oliver and Elio. You're hard again. Elio also seems aware that he could get Oliver is trouble and assures him he won't. So despite being attracted to Elio he backed off. Aciman spoke on his choice to again place Elio in a relationship with an age gap saying; “I love the mix of young, old, old, young; the fact that one provides the kind of energy that the other probably lacks, and the older person provides the stability, the gentleness and the wisdom that comes with age. Thank you so much for this enlightening post! The morning after Oliver is concerned that 1) Elio will hold it against him and 2) that he's messed Elio up. I think it helps as well that the relationship does not have a money/power imbalance part to it. Oliver is older, physically stronger and more capable controlling his emotions. A lot of people present me with the argument, 'Well, the age of consent is 14 in Italy.' . The pair meet upon Oliver (who is American) staying at the Perlman family’s house in … Not because Elio is sad at the end of the film and Oliver marries someone else-- I was a college freshmen and everyone was going to see Dirty Dancing and the age thing was never ever discussed. The Oscar-nominated film "Call Me by Your Name" is a coming-of-age story about a 17-year-old named Elio and his brief romance with a 24-year-old grad student, Oliver, who comes to work with Elio's father. But in fact, an adult has the ability to ... the adult is developmentally in a position where they are able to play with a teenager's emotions in a way that a teenager can't even really understand what's happening. This article is more than 3 years old. ... Oliver/Elio Perlman (1013) Oliver & Elio Perlman (143) Timothée Chalamet/Armie Hammer (34) Oliver (Call … All of this considered, I think CMBYN does make the age difference a problematic factor in the narrative. Again, this is Oliver worrying that he's acted like a molester. No one seems to have an issue with that movie. I recently rewatched CMBYN and followed it up by reading some reviews and articles. ", On whether someone might see the film differently if its setting or characters were different, "I'm kind of confused as to why this movie got the Oscar nomination, I guess, considering what it is. My best guess is because the young person was a boy and not a girl. I don't think Luca should have "sugar coated" the age gap by making Elio 19. And I understand how difficult it is to not see good representation of yourself. Not because there’s an age gap. Elio’s father Sami also features heavily in the book, as he engages in an affair with a younger woman. [Elio complies and Oliver briefly goes down on him in the doorway] Oliver : Well, that's promising. He establishes himself as a stud the moment he arrives in Italy and I'm sure he had just as many female admirers in America. And in this context I think Oliver feels it would be bad to take advantage of Elio's blatant desire for him while staying in his family's home more than Oliver feels like the gay sex aspect is bad. For a few weeks now, as the Call Me By Your Name fever has penetrated the airwaves, there have been discussions about the infamous age gap between both of the main characters. Italy was Elio's turf with Elio's family and friends. It’s a bit problematic but then I wish the same lens went on other movies. I don’t want either of us to have to pay one way or another.”, I knew exactly what he was referring to but pretended otherwise. That said, I've never found it disturbing and ppl who do, well, I think that they should relax more and move on with their lives. So I decided to not tag it "underage". [Oliver opens the door to Elio's room] Oliver : Elio, come here. His father is clearly okay with his son experimenting. Yes, that issue has been dealt with and yes it adds more complications to an already completed situation. It was tedious, dull and insipid. The Oscar-nominated film "Call Me by Your Name" is a coming-of-age story about a 17-year-old named Elio and his … And it reminded me of my own experience, because it was word for word what my abuser said to me over and over again. I do understand how lonely it can be to be a gay teenager in the '80s. The child just developmentally isn't in a position to really know what they wanna do, and what they wanna tell that adult. "There’s no real why. Call Me by Your Name is the love story of 17 year old Elio and 24 year old grad student, Oliver. This article was originally published on February 15, 2018. I really was a child, I was isolated, I was looking for approval, like children do. I basically had sent myself to boarding school, I was a scholarship student, it wasn't something that was really even on my parents' radar, it was something I decided I wanted and it was something I figured out how to do. He was aware of being an older man touching a younger man who was uncomfortable with said touching (though not for the reason Oliver thought). ", On those who see the film as depicting a beautiful, end-of-summer romance, "I would say that it's not a question of a gray-area age gap. The two begin a whirlwind romance under the noses of Elio’s seemingly-oblivious family. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. The characters themselves know it's an issue and they don't hand-wave it. From the beginning, the two have a love-hate relationship; an unspoken emotional tension exists between them. Thousands of young men and women alike experience complex, heartrending emotions and attractions as they grow into and explore themselves as young adults. “Oh gosh,” he moans. Advertisements. Oliver, is 24 (and from what I've heard, Oliver is an American) so that means he's been raised in a culture where the age of majority is 18 (and even then, its still frowned upon to date someone who's still in their teens, even if they are of age). I think that as much as he loves and is attracted to Elio, there's probably always this little voice in his head saying that this is not okay because his wanting a guy is not okay. Many reviews have focused on the complicated nature of Elio and Oliver’s relationship––that being the seven-year age gap between the two––but have yet to factor in the cultural differences that the location of the movie being in brings into play. Elio doesn't quite get it (even though he thinks he does), but Oliver knows that their queerness is not all that makes this relationship complicated. 'Pretty Little Liars,' I didn't see it until my own daughter as a middle schooler was watching it, and I was like, 'Oh, my God.' Elio Meets Oliver. The age gap was compared by Advocate to those in other works depicting straight relationships, ... telling the story of Oliver and Elio as they age. Oliver struck me as a lot less confident in his initial same sex flirting. Good point! AU where Elio and Oliver are the same age. Just because something's technically legal doesn't make it ethical. Partly because he never had Elio's libertine parents and the idyllic bubble of the Italian countryside. “I’m not telling anyone. I think it's both, honestly. On the other hand, I hear a lot of people who are upset with me. Elio Perlman (Timothée Chalamet), the family’s 17-year-old precocious son, is expected to act as host and guide to the selected student, this year a 24-year-old American named Oliver (Armie Hammer). Oliver doesn't mention his own parents and their deeply homophobic attitudes until the final phone call, which suggests to me that while Oliver is older than Elio, he was equally inexperienced in a same sex relationship and that he is also a lot less fortunate than Elio in terms of his parental support system. Call Me By Your Name (Luca Guadagnino, 2017), based on the 2007 novel by Andre Aciman, it is both coming-of-age story and romantic drama. ", "Like Elio, I was precocious. I just dread the thought of havingmessed you up. 15 years on from the OG peach fucking, Elio now lives in Paris. I think that as much as he loves and is attracted to Elio, there's probably always this little voice in his head saying that this is not okay because his wanting a guy is not okay. Michel’s almost twice his age – Michel even mentions that … Call Me By Your Name author André Aciman has opened up about what he believes is “the end” of Elio and Oliver’s story in his new sequel novel. How old is oliver in the movie call me by your name For a few weeks now, as the Call Me By Your Name craze has penetrated the airwaves, there have been discussions about the notorious age gap between both protagonists. Wasn’t that the same ages as the characters in Dirty Dancing? There won’t be any trouble.”, “I didn’t mean that. Kimberly Jones accepts the age gap and Elio's minority on the grounds of a more permissive environment at the time and Italian age of consent law. Aciman’s new novel Find Me, out this month, picks up 10 years after the first and sees Elio dating an older man named Michel. Elio is conscious of his attraction to Oliver by the time he's boasting over breakfast that he almost had sex with Marzia. I am gay. The novel chronicles their summer romance and the 20 years that follow. Oliver was also the outsider. Without a doubt, the most ‘controversial’ subject of the film is the seven-year age gap between protagonist Elio, portrayed by Timothée Chalamet, and lover Oliver, portrayed by Armie Hammer. Nearly every couple in Find Me has a significant age gap. Elio's age definitely plays into it though, esp. "I just don’t want to regret any of it—including what you wouldn’t let me talk about this morning. Elio is 17 and Oliver is 24. Elio is portrayed very much as a child: He shaves peach fuzz off of his face, he cuddles with his parents, his lines are often kind of bratty and childlike, and he's being played as a sexy romantic partner to a character who's very much being portrayed as an adult. I really disagree and feel like this is one of the key complications of the romance, addressed in the following ways... Oliver felt like he had "molested" Elio when he rubbed his shoulder during the volleyball game. I agree that their age difference is addressed in subtle ways. The coming-of-age film that took the world by storm, ... and many of Elio and Oliver’s looks are just as on-trend in 2020 as they were in 1983. It's very confusing for a child. I just think Oliver is more concerned with being the responsible adult in that moment. Same with his confidence that they didn't make too much noise and Mafalda isn't going to find any signs. His attempt at giving Elio a sign (by touching him at the volleyball game) was so clumsy that it was a complete misfire. Their age gap isn't the only difference. I’m not sure if Aciman was responding to backlash about the age gap between Elio and Oliver by making Elio date someone even older but it certainly came across that way. Elio had people to comfort and support him through his heartbreak. the film exploits the controversial nature of the age-gap between the two protagonists, Elio (seventeen) and Oliver (twenty-four), alluding to the ancient institution of pederasty as its aesthetic defense. He meets this dude called Michel at a concert. "[Oliver] keeps asking Elio to tell him what he's thinking about. When he stops Elio from going any further than kissing, Oliver insists that he wants to be good. The story is set between London and France during WW2. He’s pointed out that in most U.S. states, the age of consent is 16. "It reminded me of that because, in my head, as a 15-year-old or a 16-year-old, I very much believed that I was in control, and that I was able to consent, and I would say, that's part of being 16, is you have that illusion that you're on top of things. I'm not sure how anyone can read this passage in the book (which also exists in a slight variation in the movie) and say that it doesn't address the messiness of their age difference head on. When Elio broadcasts this he wants to impress on Oliver that he's mature enough to be sexually active and that his parents are cool with it. That’s how it came to me. The fact that Call Me By Your Name should be so widely perceived as a beautiful romance is absolutely terrifying.---Not because Oliver and Elio are men. It's happens in this little town in Italy it feels like money doesn't even exists And to the power part even though Oliver is a doctoral candidate and elio is just seventeen it never felt to me like there was an imbalance, like you said Oliver is more distanced but it's only because he hides his feelings not because he's not vulnerable. Oliver was 24 in the book and Elio 17. I feel I should add to my OP that I don't think that age gaps in relationships are always an issue. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the callmebyyourname community, A place to celebrate and discuss Call Me By Your Name--the novel by Andre Aciman and the film by Luca Guadagnino, Press J to jump to the feed. It matters because it makes things complicated, and this complexity makes the story interesting. I genuinely don't see the age gap as a problem in the first place tbh. And in this context I think Oliver feels it would be bad to take advantage of Elio's blatant desire for him while staying in his family's home more so than Oliver feels the gay sex aspect is bad. When Elio finally makes a move, Oliver expresses hesitation at becoming involved with Elio due to their age difference, warning Elio (correctly) that he’ll get hurt — but it's not too long before Oliver gives in. I think you're right about this, especially if Oliver has been raised by parents who would have put a queer son in a correctional facility. Call Me by Your Name is a 2007 novel by American writer André Aciman that centers on a blossoming romantic relationship between an intellectually precocious and curious 17-year-old American-Italian Jewish boy named Elio Perlman and a visiting 24-year-old American Jewish scholar named Oliver in 1980s Italy. What a waste of time and effort. 'Pretty Little Liars' is another example where you have a student and a teacher being featured in a romance. Elio hides his Judaism; Oliver proudly wears a Star of David. Elio is the pushy one and when it becomes clear Elio isn't going to let up, Oliver's main retort is "Grow up". Elio is not a minor, he's almost 18 for crying out loud. ... Gap Pink Striped Button-Down. Elio 17, extremely well-read, sensitive and the son of a prominent expatriate professor finds himself troublingly attracted to this year's visiting resident scholar, recruited by his father from an American university. Once Elio confessed his feelings and saw Oliver reciprocated them, he was the one determined to consummate their relationship where as Oliver might've restrained himself. But we also have seen 'Riverdale,' it's an Archie Comics turned into a TV show, and the first season of it features the main character, Archie, romantically involved with his teacher. Double standards yes. “For you, however you think of it, it’s still fun and games, which it should be. ", "As a 15-year-old or a 16-year-old, I very much believed that I was in control, and that I was able to consent, and I would say, that's part of being 16, is you have that illusion that you're on top of things. Pederasty is an adult man having a relationship with a teen boy. Image courtesy of Sony Classics. the "for you ... it's still fun and games, which it should be" part. I think he's been "not good" in the past and is trying not to go there again. I think ppl are more prone to look the other way if it’s a 24 year old boy and a 17 year old girl. So, from Oliver's POV, he's pretty much getting involved with a child. In the moment when Oliver is watching Elio sleep before they say goodbye, it's clear that he will be just as heartbroken over their parting but as the older man he is more capable of masking his pain. The age gap is further emphasized by Elio being more physically and emotionally vulnerable than Oliver. I see most of the first exchange as Oliver's concern about Elio not having had a same-sex experience before, as if he could be seen as initiating Elio into a queer lifestyle, which, due to his internalized homophobia / the era, he sees as a potentially unhappy thing. ". For those in their mid-to-early twenties, the average age gap for queer couples is around three to five years, whereas the age gap for straight couples runs closer to two or three years.