Refresh your page, login and try again. Your use of this website constitutes and manifests your acceptance of our User Agreement, Privacy Policy, Cookie Notification, and awareness of the California Privacy Rights. June 2, 2014 . “It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower, 8. Now quiet! 1. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin, 68. _____ THIS ITEM SAYS: ''Never be afraid to try, remember… Amateurs built the ark. “I like work; it fascinates me. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous, 43. Or perhaps you’re just feeling grumpy because you had to change out of your pajamas and put on real pants today. Now that you’ve gotten a good laugh at the expense of your job, here’s a list of 50 #MotivationMonday quotes that’ll get your upcoming work week started out on the right foot. “I’m not retiring, I am graduating . “The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan, 56. Here are these funny inspirational quotes 1. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.​” — Homer Simpson, 28. “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost, 99. Please try again. Chili Davis. Sometimes it helps to have a good chuckle. ...back in 1982 Bill Gates came to see Hermann Hauser, "We showed Bill Gates the Econet network and he said 'What's a network? “Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.” – Tim Notke, 80. “You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar, 15. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Pursuant to U.S. Please check your email to confirm your subscription. The professional concentrates on the work and allows rewards to come or not come, whatever they like.” ― Steven Pressfield, The War of Art: Winning the Inner Creative Battle “Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. Thank Your Kid’s Teacher for Their Never-Ending Dedication with These 100 Best Teacher Quotes. “No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx 3. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it. Love writing but hate the trials and tribulations that come with it? “There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.​” — David Letterman, 30. Swimming in tech support requests? Wait Job Until. Well neither does bathing. “Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers, 51. “Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Mike Jay Six Men , 1995, p. 136. “Sometimes I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.” — Anonymous, 35. Looking for an IT Helpdesk Software that is Cloud Based, Cost Effective, Easy To Use & Setup? They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous, 63. You are posting comments too quickly. Funny Quotes and Sayings About Photograph Whether you’re a pro or a hobbyist, you’ve probably encountered one of these jokes or memes. Why didn’t you say so? Ad Choices. Funny Quotes Quotes tagged as "funny" Showing 1-30 of 8,370 “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Get 65 more quotes on aging here… Quotes About Retirement Planning. . Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying. Good Society Your. . You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard, 97. There was an error in your submission. Slow down. “Coworkers are like Christmas lights. Votes: 3. Celebrity interviews, recipes and health tips delivered to your inbox. “I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow, 10. “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates, 2. So do we. Lighten up the office mood every now and then. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins, 16. By Silvia Pencak. by Andy Saks. Sometimes it helps to have a good chuckle. Z is keep your mouth shut.”​ — Albert Einstein, 27. “An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.” – William Castle, 83. It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management. “There’s no secret about success. If you can’t talk to me without criticizing and insulting me and putting me down in that snotty condescending manner, then take your bad behaviors elsewhere. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey, 45. 25 Things to Write in a Father’s Day Card for the World’s #1 Dad—Yours! Repeat or copy these quotes out to … A successful woman is one who can find such a man. In preparing for battle, I have found that plans are useless, but planning indispensable. Anonymous - I see your 1993 Bill Gates quote and raise you a 1982 one. Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it now. It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock, 60. 2. Wonderful Funny Quotes. This is an RGE (resume generating event). You seem to be logged out. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben, 22. Quotes To Live By Me Quotes Funny Quotes Hater Quotes Bitch Quotes Funny Memes The Words Someecards Karma Just a friendly reminder that personal hygiene & clean clothing go a long way … Funny Career Quotes. “Time is an illusion. “It’s just a job. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!” — Anonymous, 52. “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar, 66. Check out some of our previous list of funny tech support quotes. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?​” -​Kin Hubbard, 29. All rights reserved. Professional Quotes “A professional is someone who can do his best work when he doesn’t feel like it” Alistair Cooke “Without hard work and discipline it is difficult to be a top professional. Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you're finished. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau, 59. “When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . Sometimes even the most seasoned networkers (like me) need to psych themselves up before heading out to a networking event or 2-day conference full … “Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.” – Anonymous, 42. “I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Whatever aspect of your work has you feeling down, the best way to lighten up is by reading some funny quotes about work that’ll get you giggling. Get ’Em Here! “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” — Groucho Marx, 78. Lack of proper planning does not constitute an emergency. “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman, 48. If you enjoyed this post, please check out our most recent topics. Home. Rodney Dangerfield That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. “Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley, 72. “Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold, 95. Standards are vital so that IT professionals can provide systems that last.” “Without hard work and discipline it is difficult to be a top professional.” “You have to be a cop-out or a wash-out or a dropout to come to our college. If your ideas are any good, you’ll have to ram them down people’s throats. - Doug Larson Writers don’t have lifestyles. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx, 69. Recipes. “When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose? 30 Adorable Father’s Day Crafts and DIY Gift Ideas for Toddlers, Preschoolers and Kids of All Ages, 101 of the Best Work-Life Balance Tips that Will Help You Avoid Burnout, 200 Best Crock Pot Recipes and Easy Slow Cooker Dinner Ideas for the Family, Which One of These 100 Diets Could Help You Lose Weight? “The professional has learned that success, like happiness, comes as a by-product of work. Knowledge of what to replace: priceless. In a Raffle, Does $20 for 40 Tickets Have the Same Winning Odds as $20 for 4 Tickets? Funny quotes on naiveté “It is better to live one day as a lion than 100 years as a sheep.” —Donald Trump (retweeting a Benito Mussolini quote) 30 Funny Tech Support Quotes; 30 Funny Tech Support Quotes. “Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing, 92. If it’s not in the ticket, it didn’t happen. “Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.​” –Unknown, 25. So, if it's that time of year when you're drowning in reams of paperwork and trying to make sense of all the mumbo-jumbo, it's time to take a break. “The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia, 39. “Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Anonymous, 31. “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow! “The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. “Delegate your work. “If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” – Dave Barry, 70. Over many years as a professional presenter and speaker, I’ve accumulated a treasure trove of funny, inspiring, insightful public speaking quotes. Sorry, comments are currently closed. “Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat lazy, or stupid. In the world of Learning and Development, innovation and technology are moving fast. That should be relatively straight forward. Work is against human nature. If you enjoyed this post, please check out our most recent topics. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” – Joey Adams, 36. Sorry, comments are currently closed. “I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.”​ –Anonymous, 24. I don’t tolerate that negativity or toxicity in my life. “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost, 34. Skip to content. Looking for the best funny memes and quotes words. “Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy, 37. Replacement parts: $XXX. “Education cost money. “Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi, 57. Read these funny tax quotes over a cup of coffee and share a laugh with someone who'll appreciate the humor. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings, 71. These 100 hilarious quips and funny work quotes poke fun at the ups-and-downs of being a working professional, and are guaranteed to make any day on the job better. It looks as though you’ve already said that. If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard, 94. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner, 13. “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin, 12. “If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen, 77. Antoine de Saint Exupery. retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. “My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown, Related: 155 Inspiring Hustle Quotes to Stay Motivated, 21. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser, 74. This is a PICNIC error. Thanks for signing up! “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde, 11. Stop spending dollar time on penny jobs.” — Mary Kay Ash, 23. “A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Our wall quotes can be applied to walls, doors, windows, or any other smooth or semi-textured surface. Which just makes these funny quotes about writing that much funnier.. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty, 47. The Bedlam that greeted James Tilly Matthews, then, was not so much a baroque spectacle of depravity as an exhausted and run-down public institution, its building falling apart and its professional image tarnished. Public speaking quotes: Funny, inspiring insights for your presentation. Professionals built the Titanic '' THE SIZES OFFERED ARE… Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar, 61. Your account was created. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali, 40. supercobra thatbytes. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino, 44. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright, 96. Dwight D. Eisenhower. Never mind the damn statistics. If it’s worth doing, it’s worth automating. You seem to be logged out. conditions of our, Your use of this website constitutes and manifests your acceptance Our collection of witty funny pictures of funny saying which are short words, easy to remember but still hilarious phrases. “I work for myself, which is fun. Best Funny Inspirational Quotes “I have never developed indigestion from eating my words. Who would want to work in a dreary workplace? These funny inspirational quotes will make your day the perfect one. “Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? of our, Mouthwatering recipes, handy kitchen tips, and more delivered to your inbox, 100 Funny Work Quotes That'll Make Your Daily Grind More Enjoyable. . - Stephen King If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. “A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather, 54. “Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. “I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous, 64. Refresh your page, login and try again. 100 Funny Work Quotes That'll Make Your Daily Grind More Enjoyable 1. Celeb interviews, recipes, wellness tips and horoscopes delivered to your inbox daily. “When it comes to professionalism, it makes sense to talk about being professional in IT. Discover and share Professional Office Funny Quotes. I’ve got 99 problems but a switch ain’t one. Famous writers and authors have said some pretty funny things about writing as well as the entire process. “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti, 6. Funny Quotes “A joke is a very serious thing" Winston Churchill We've Got Tons of Info to Help You Decide, 100+ Weight Watchers Recipes with WW Points to Help You Lose Weight. “Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale, 41. (Problem in chair, not in computer), This is a PEBCAK error – (Problems Existing Between Chair and Keyboard). Funny Quotes About Writing, Group 2. “Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” – Sam Ewing, 98. Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. “My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” – Ted Turner, 93. “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Hunter S. Thompson.